SHAMING

Love thyself

When I started my weight loss journey a year ago I never imagined it to be what it has been. I figured it would just be a physical transformation. I needed to lose weight to look better so I would not hate myself. I figured losing weight would make me LOVE MYSELF. 

Man was I wrong! As I started to drop the weight, I still hated myself. I did not enjoy looking at me in the mirror. As people told me I was skinny I still saw "fat Jessica" and I disliked her. I found fault in everything I could. While I was able to lose 60lbs  changing my image and finding love for myself was difficult.  

I wanted it to be easy. I figured I worked SO hard on the physical aspect that the mental part should just follow. 

I soon realized, that JUST like I decided to workout daily I needed to CHOOSE to be happy with myself.  It was my choice on how I felt about myself.   I soon learned that each day was a new day. A new chance for me to make that choice again. Being happy one day does not mean the world is great every day after. Far from it. Life happens. Crap happens. Life is hard. Life is real. Life takes work. Just like it takes work to stay physically fit, it take work to stay mentally fit.  (please note that some people can not make this choice on their own. If that is you please do not feel bad for seeking medical help. We have drugs for a reason and to help those that need it) 

More than anything I have learned I will never be perfect. My extra skin from 3 kids and a lot of years of poor decisions is a reminder to me, that I don't need to be perfect to love me. I can now say I LOVE ME!

 I love my stretch marks because to me it is a reminder of what I went through for my three sweet kiddos.

 I appreciate the extra skin that hangs around my stomach to remind me of how far I have come this last year. 

All my tumors from my neurofibromatosis prove to me that I am willing to do more for my kids than I ever thought possible. 

My saggy boobs says to me I will do what I think is best for my kids. 

Learn to love you for the person you are. Perfection will never be achieved. I have to stop myself when I look in the mirror from saying, oh well if I lost 5 more lbs maybe you could see my 6 pack, if I got skin removal surgery I would look better. If I did not eat that cheesecake I would not hate the scale today. If I was nicer to my kids I would be a better mom. If I just called so and so today I would be a better friend. If I did this better at work, I would be a better employee. 

There is ALWAYS something. 

Daily we make mistakes, 

We yell at our kids

We are rude to our husbands. 

We ignore that impression to call a friend

We eat another cookie from swig after just going there yesterday

How does this happen though? How do you  make this change to love yourself.  Make sure you are taking care of YOURSELF and it is easy to learn to accept thyself. It can't happen though until you take care of you! 

Find what works for you. For me working out is MY TIME. I love it. I love taking a small portion of my day (usually never more than an hour) and dedicating it to me. This is MY TIME. Being selfish with it is the best thing I have ever done. Remember you are a person too! Yes you might wear other hats such as mom, wife, friend, employee, but you are still YOU first.  Taking time for me makes me a better mother, wife, person, employee and happier with myself.   Plus if feels pretty dang good to get your body moving! Take time to take care of you and I promise you will be in a better place. 

Answers to my most asked questions

I am asked a lot of the same questions and comments about my weight loss. I figured I would answer them all here.

1. HOW DID YOU DO IT? I get asked a lot what crazy diet I am doing or what crazy workout hours I am putting in. This one is simple and not at the same time. I workout 6 times a week and I eat right. I no longer make excuses. My workout times are anywhere from 20 min to an hour a day. Short and simple to get it in. I make sure to combine cardio and weights. You need both to get it done. Like I have said I have done the Moms Into Fitness Pretty Fierce programs. I love them to death and will always tell people who want to do them to try them.

2. ARE YOU SURE YOUR HEALTHY?! This one always makes me laugh, but feel good at the same time. It is nice to know people are worried about me. Yes. I am healthy. I have never been healthier in my life. I eat right, get my veggies, fruit and such in and keep active. I feel better than I ever have.

3. YOU MUST HAVE SO MUCH TIME AND ENERGY I DON'T HAVE IT. I do not claim to have the busiest life but as a mom to three kids, a wife, and a full time job my time is limited. I had to learn to fit it in and make workouts a priority. As I did that I found I had a lot more time and energy! Making myself a priority is important. I have learned this, and I am grateful.

4. I COULD NEVER BE THAT SMALL. I used to say that too. I started at a large 14. I told my husband I could never weight in the 120's and there was NO chance I could be under a size 6. I am amazed at the fact that I am now 126 and in a size 1/2. I never thought that would happen! It is amazing what our bodies can do when we challenge them. I am smaller than I can ever remember being. So never set a limit on yourself. Just start and see where you end up. You might be surprised.

5. WHEN DO YOU WORKOUT? My workout times vary a lot. Depends on my day. Usually it is later at night after the kiddos have gone to bed and work is done for the day. I wish I could be a 5am workout girl but I just cant.

6. DON'T YOU MISS FOOD? Nope, because I still eat what I love. I am a huge believer that if you want to be happy with your self you need to eat what you love. You just have to learn to do it right. I know how to fit my favorite smothered burrito with cheese in, or my greasy tacos, or a brownie. The key is moderation, and maybe an extra 30 min of cardio. :) I have just learned how to make food healthier found new recipes and I eat a lot less (and no I am not hungry all the time)

7. CAN YOU HELP ME? OF COURSE! I love more than anything helping others right now. I know it is a long scary road and it is nice to have someone to talk to. I am always up for a being healthy convo. :)

8. WHAT MADE YOU DO IT? I got a taste for exercise after my husband challenged me to workout. I loved it and have not turned back.

9. WHY ARE YOU STILL TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT?! At this point I am not too worried about it. I would love to knock 2 more pounds off so I can say I lost 60. However if that does not happen I am just fine with it. I am just being healthy, whatever changes happen during that are A-OKAY with me! :)

10. WHAT IS THE HARDEST PART? I know I mentioned this before but it is a tie for me. First accepting the new me. It is hard to see myself where I am. I still picture my self as larger, I am working to see myself where I am now. The 2nd part is all the dang extra stomach skin! I know a lot of it is from having kids, so hopefully it will go back slowly.


Most of all I have learned, I am pretty awesome. I can do whatever I decide I want to do. I have never had that confidence in myself and I am forever grateful for it.

My lifestyle change

People keep asking me for more updates, and I know I should write more. SO here it goes.
I just finished another round of Lindsey Brin's programs. I did Lean Out. I wont lie. It kicked my trash. It was hard. It was challenging. It worked me. However. I did it. I did not miss a day again. I made it. I survived. I lost another 10lbs and 14.5 inches. I had to return a pair of size 4 jeans to buy a pair of size 2's. All in all now I have lost 55lbs (that is 30% of my body weight) and 55 inches. Kinda fun the numbers match up! I now weight 129. PEOPLE I never remember that weight. The lowest I ever remember was my junior year of high school when I weighed 135, and I did not have any muscles.

I have made a change. I really am still in shock. It is hard for me to notice the change as much as others. I mean I look at myself daily. I put on the same few sets of workout clothes and look in the mirror (yes I flex and look at my muscles. Judge me please. ;)) No one ever tells you the hardest part of a "transformation" is accepting it. That might sound weird. I still struggle to see myself for who I am now. I am so used to being on the heavier side and it is a hard switch to flip in the mirror.  Please do not get me wrong. I love myself. I love my body. I always have. My journey has never been about that. My journey started plain and simple to make my life better, and feel better. That has been done. I can't even put into words how much better I feel. My life has improved a million trillion times. Getting fit and exercise has made every part of my life better.

• I am a better mom because I have more energy to play with my kids.
• I have more patience for my children, husband, and people I run into to.(that last one is a biggie!)
• I am HAPPIER. 
• I am HAPPIER 
• I AM HAPPIER (yes that one gets to be posted 3 times.) Life is not always perfect. We all have challenges. My life is full of them. Making exercise and eating right has made me not let them get the best of me and get through them with a smile. 
• I have learned that I can do ANYTHING I put my mind to. If someone told me back in August I could lose 55lbs and eat right I would have LAUGHED in their face. I never believed I could have the self control to eat right and workout regularly.The world is mine. I can do whatever I want. I am strong.
• Working out is fun!!! I never thought I would say that. I always hated working out. Now I love it. I crave it. I have a blast and need it in my life! It is a MUCH better part of my life then my Mt Dew and gas station nachos! 
• I have learned that I am important. I need to make myself a priority in life. As I do this I am able to take care of my three sweet kids and be a better wife to my husband! (yes I am also a much better employee and citizen) 

So people ask me how I do it. So it is simple. I can break it down.

1. Adapt the motto no excuses. I know that motto has gotten some bad wrap. Now I do not mean you need to have the perfect body. Nope not at all. I mean do not let yourself make an excuse not to start and keep going. There will ALWAYS be a reason not to start, to skip a workout, to eat a second cookie ect. You are in control though. You can make that choice to START to not skip a workout. You have full control over what you eat.  (I could be done there because really that is it plain and simple but I will give ya a few more ;)) 
2. You are what you eat!  Eating is a HUGE part of what I have done. I have changed my whole lookout on food and what I eat. I love food. I love to cook. I knew if I took this journey food had to still be something I loved. SO I still have my favorites. I eat my greasy Mexican smothered in cheese but I do it a lot less, and eat a lot less. I might add an extra workout that day too. I eat 5 times a day and make sure I am getting enough nutrients for my body to function! I have learned not all calories are created equal. I try to choose lower fat options.  Protein has become my new best friend.  In case you really want to know here is a typical day of what I eat
1. BREAKFAST-Honey bunches of oats! My favorite! I also will do cottage cheese and berries (I try to shoot for about 150 Calories)
2. SNACK- Fruit or a greek yogurt (I shoot for 100 calories)
3. LUNCH-Bagel sandwich (the thin kind) with laughing cow cheese meat and loads of veggies! I will pair it with some soup or some rice cake treats. Some days I will just do chili, salads, tacos, really anything bagel sandwiches are just easy! (I shoot for 400-500 calories)
4. SNACK-I love the NUGO protein bars at Costco easy simple on the go. (I shoot for 200 calories) 
5. DINNER-Nothing special. I make what I want. I portion control to make sure I am not eating too much. I try for 600-700 depending on what I have eaten during the day. Tonight I had some pork tacos on corn tortillas filled with pico and some re-fried beans. :)
6. If I am hungry I eat. Plain and simple. I am just smart. When I might have made some nachos late at night now I will grab a 80 calorie yogurt. :) 
3. Consistency is key.  I wish I could say just workout when you want and you will see results, but I can't. You have to workout. You need to be consistent. Keep up with your workouts and you will be happy. I work out at all times of the day. Late nights tend to be my time, so 10pm workouts and me are good friends! Find a time that works for you. If you cant make it work that time find a new time that day. :)
4. Stay positive. It is a crazy roller coaster of a journey. Stay positive and be happy.  Know there will be rough times, and times you mess up. Don't let it stop you!

Well now to do something I never thought I would do. I need to though. So I can remember just how far I have come, and I can be accountable.  Here are some pictures.

Before and after of the side view. This is from 2 rounds of the Weight Loss Program I did and one round of Lean Out. I started in August, so six months!  (You can learn more about the programs I have done at www.momsintofitness.com)

The front. Lets ignore my hair. Maybe I should take pictures at a different time then first thing when I wake up.....

AND the awesome pictures my work did of me for a Blog post I was on. You can see it here.

So there you go. I am not done yet. I have no goal. I am just being me and staying healthy, happy, and active.

If you want help to start a journey of your own I am super happy to help! Just ask. :) A few people have said they feel bad asking questions, DON'T!  I love to share what I have learned. I am still learning and trying to figure things out. 


 

My journey

This post is a lot for me. I need to remember these things. (Yes. I know it has been ages since my last post. Let's not talk about that.)

Let's go back to July. My life was trying to juggle. Newborn, going back to work,  my other two kiddos, and our house. See what is missing from the list. Yep. ME! I left myself out.  I was very overweight.  I weighed 184. At 5"3" that is a lot of weight for my short frame. I was always tried, always seemed to have a headache, and I turned to food and junk that only made me feel worse on a bad day. 

One day my husband told me he was watching the kids and to take 90min and go to the rec center.  I went and really enjoyed it. When i got home I was shocked how much happier I was. I knew it was from exercising.  I asked my husband to help me come up with exercises.  For the next three weeks I worked out six times a week. I was feeling awesome. I decided to start a workout program I had bought a long time ago. I dug out my Lindsay Brin pretty fierce DVD's read over the program and meal plan and decided I was going to do it. It was sixty days. I could do it!

I took my measurements and was ready! Day one kicked my trash. Day two I wanted to die. Day three I thought I was crazy.  This went on for the first two weeks.  I knew I had to keep going though. I loved the "high" I got from working out. I loved the break from life during workout time.

The hardest part at first was learning to eat better. I kicked soda and treats. I still had my yummy cheesy foods but in moderation.  I learned to eat less. I was overeating. I ditched the sugary breakfast and subbed it for cottage cheese and fruit.  Can I tell you how much better your day is with a good start!

At the end of the sixty days I was so proud. I did not miss a day. This means I went 8 weeks working out six times a week.  The number on the scale was down 22 and I had lost 22.5 inches. I looked better but most importantly I felt better. My life was better. I decided to do it again.  Today I just finished my 2nd time through.  People this means 120 days working out six times a week with not one miss!!!! Today the scale said 144. That means I lost 20lbs for a grand total of 40lbs. I lost 20 inches this time around too.

While I love that my body has changed that is not the most important.  I have changed my life for the better. I feel amazing.  I have so much more energy.  I play more with my kids. Cleaning takes less time.  I know how to eat better.

Here are a few things I learned. I ate too much crap. Junk and such is fine, but not needed. Always fun here and there. Counting calories sucks but doing it for a month helped me learn to eat the right amount.  Now I don't keep track I just listen to my body.  Eating out is possible. Just check menus and be smart...and of course here and there say what the hell to the menu and eat what ya want.

Again, that is not the best part. There are two sweet girls 6 and 4 as well as a baby boy. These kids see me exercising daily. The other day my 4 year old told me,"Mom, I am glad you exercise now because I know how to now." This melted my heart. I want my girls to grow up with the knowledge and tools they need to be healthy. I hope I can show them and teach them this. Example is key.

So what now? I plan on doing the next set of Pretty Fierce DVDs Lean Out. They are harder and I am ready for the challenge.  I have learned that I am pretty awesome.  I can push through anything. It is mind over matter.  I have learned that there is always time for what I make time for. I can decide what is important to me and make it happen.  I love myself and I am proud of myself.  I learned that to be a good mom, wife, person I need to put myself first. I have no more goals on where to be. I just want to stay healthy and happy.  I want to take care of the wonderful gift of a body I was given.

So there ya go. Here is to making it 60 more days.

Happy One Month Lil Man!

My sweet Brigham,

Can you even believe it? You are ONE MONTH OLD today! I hardly can! This month sure has gone by quick! I am so very glad you have come into our lives! Your sisters just adore you. Abby loves to look at you and talk to you and wants you to look right at her! Jackie loves to hold you and help take care of you. Both can not wait until you can have a bottle so they can feed you. :)
So far you have been a pretty easy baby! You sleep! This is  huge improvement from your sisters so I will take it! At night you already do one good 4-5 hour stretch. Then your up every 2 hours to eat. You LOVE mommy and daddys bed though! We will have to fix that at some point but for now mom is just enjoying the cuddles all night long. :)

You LOVE to eat! You are getting so chunky I love it! I enjoy our time together while you eat. You have started staring right at me the whole time!

You just started making cute little noises. :) I sure love hearing you! You already made your first big trip! Mommys grandpa passed away and you flew with me to Colorado for the funeral. You were an angel the whole trip, and everyone loved meeting you!

Your dad is the nickname king! So far we call you Briggle. Since Abby is giggle. ;) We will see if it sticks and if a new one comes about!

I am excited to see what you learn in the next month.

I love you bunches and bunches!

Love,
Mommy!

Happy Easter!

These two got dressed up. Mommy and Brigham stayed home. ;)

Jackie and Brigham

Jackie is a great help with Brigham!  She loves to sing to him, pick up his dropped binki, pick him up when he cries, and gives him lots of kisses!
I love having bigger kids with our newborn!  Being a parent is pretty awesome.