Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Love thyself

When I started my weight loss journey a year ago I never imagined it to be what it has been. I figured it would just be a physical transformation. I needed to lose weight to look better so I would not hate myself. I figured losing weight would make me LOVE MYSELF. 
Man was I wrong! As I started to drop the weight, I still hated myself. I did not enjoy looking at me in the mirror. As people told me I was skinny I still saw "fat Jessica" and I disliked her. I found fault in everything I could. While I was able to lose 60lbs  changing my image and finding love for myself was difficult.  
I wanted it to be easy. I figured I worked SO hard on the physical aspect that the mental part should just follow. 

I soon realized, that JUST like I decided to workout daily I needed to CHOOSE to be happy with myself.  It was my choice on how I felt about myself.   I soon learned that each day was a new day. A new chance for me to make that choice again. Being happy one day does not mean the world is great every day after. Far from it. Life happens. Crap happens. Life is hard. Life is real. Life takes work. Just like it takes work to stay physically fit, it take work to stay mentally fit.  (please note that some people can not make this choice on their own. If that is you please do not feel bad for seeking medical help. We have drugs for a reason and to help those that need it) 

More than anything I have learned I will never be perfect. My extra skin from 3 kids and a lot of years of poor decisions is a reminder to me, that I don't need to be perfect to love me. I can now say I LOVE ME!
 I love my stretch marks because to me it is a reminder of what I went through for my three sweet kiddos.
 I appreciate the extra skin that hangs around my stomach to remind me of how far I have come this last year. 
All my tumors from my neurofibromatosis prove to me that I am willing to do more for my kids than I ever thought possible. 
My saggy boobs says to me I will do what I think is best for my kids. 

Learn to love you for the person you are. Perfection will never be achieved. I have to stop myself when I look in the mirror from saying, oh well if I lost 5 more lbs maybe you could see my 6 pack, if I got skin removal surgery I would look better. If I did not eat that cheesecake I would not hate the scale today. If I was nicer to my kids I would be a better mom. If I just called so and so today I would be a better friend. If I did this better at work, I would be a better employee. 
There is ALWAYS something. 
Daily we make mistakes, 
We yell at our kids
We are rude to our husbands. 
We ignore that impression to call a friend
We eat another cookie from swig after just going there yesterday
How does this happen though? How do you  make this change to love yourself.  Make sure you are taking care of YOURSELF and it is easy to learn to accept thyself. It can't happen though until you take care of you! 

Find what works for you. For me working out is MY TIME. I love it. I love taking a small portion of my day (usually never more than an hour) and dedicating it to me. This is MY TIME. Being selfish with it is the best thing I have ever done. Remember you are a person too! Yes you might wear other hats such as mom, wife, friend, employee, but you are still YOU first.  Taking time for me makes me a better mother, wife, person, employee and happier with myself.   Plus if feels pretty dang good to get your body moving! Take time to take care of you and I promise you will be in a better place.